All over the Western World something terrible is happening, every week another selection of z-list celebrities give birth (this debatably isn’t the awful bit- unless they call their newborn Declan) and their bodies disappear. Yep, just like that, their whole body is gone- I’m imagining some magician style smoke with ‘poof!’ sound effects- until all that is left is a floating head of peroxide hair pushing a bugaboo/ paying their teenage au pair to push it for them because they are too busy planning their ovulation calendar for baby number 2.
Of course, their bodies don’t really disappear, therefore these rather misleading headlines can seem quite confusing, instead they are simply celebrating all the weight they’ve lost 4 days after leaving the maternity ward.
Looking at these covers, I’m sorry Teamales I couldn’t resist you know how much I love a good cover analysis, we can see a clear theme forming- starting with Kim Kardashian. Because let’s face it, most things start with Kim Kardashian.
Just in case anybody cared, Star magazine are giving us a nice rounded update about all the things Kim did in order to get her body ‘back’ including eating less (cough personal chef cough) and three hour workouts (wink personal trainer wink). So not only does she look way too good for someone who’s just pushed the equivalent of a small pumpkin out her vagina, but she’s done it all with excessive help that the average woman doesn’t have. Or NEED. At the end of the day, you’ve just had a baby- is that not magical enough? I can’t imagine the pressures new mums face these days, not only do they have to consider if they want to be the type of parent that give their 18 month old an iPad or pretend they enjoy socialising with their local breastfeeding group, but now they also have to do it all without looking ‘Mumsy’. Continue reading