A few weeks ago I didn’t post. This is now a bit awks because you’re all sat there like soz Jess didn’t even notice you were gone but trust me, I was, and I felt really sad inside. Every Monday for over a year I’ve posted and then on Tuesday I read the comments (which I’m supposed to reply to on Wednesday but always forget), Thursday is promo day, Friday blogger chats, Saturday I have to re-edit because I realise there’s about 8 typos and then Sunday I’m writing the next post. When there was no post I suddenly had nothing to read or promote. I was literally half a girl. However, my lack of commitment did inspire this: Confessions of a Bad Blogger
Snail Speed Replies: I love your comments more than I love most members of my immediate family, they’re so intricate and thoughtful and feminist; I feel like in order to reply to my full capacity (cough cough Jess babe are you trying to make excuses because this really isn’t subtle) I need a good 90 minutes and a cherry bakewell flavoured tea. It’s just a shame that IB students don’t have a spare 90 minutes very often. I will always reply to every reply you just might have to wait a week. Or two. Max.
I Don’t Plan Posts in Advance: I wish I could be the person who rolls out of bed to the sound of WordPress notifications, throws on clothing sent to them for free to review and tends to the bullet journal where they’ve planned every post for the next two centuries while sipping something incredibly romanticised but equally gross like elderflower cordial from their Blogger Of The Year trophy. But I can’t. I used to have some random posted notes with ideas on dotted around my room but that got too risky after my Grandma came to stay and asked “Why do you have PORN PROBLEMS written on your wall?” Thanks Gma, legend as per.
Fat Fingers Follow Back: I always see people making comments about how much they hate the bloggers who follow and unfollow them regularly rather on their blog or surrounding social media and, basically, I’ve realised this is probably me. But before we get all eye roll emoji at my behaviour please just hear me out. What usually happens is this: I follow someone, they tweet about how much they love Victoria’s Secret or Donald Trump or Aldi and I’m like woah I don’t want to read this so I unfollow. A week or so later Crowdfire will be like babe this gal follows you why don’t you follow her back and by this point I’ve forgotten the Vicky/Trump/Aldi situ and follow. Obvs another week later when I realise it’s them I unfollow. But then the biggest problem- I have fat thumbs and because most following I do is done with my thumbs I accidentally follow all the people that I’m trying to unfollow. And calamities like this can go on for ages, I’m really not trying to get your attention, if anything I want the opposite, my thumbs are just blady huge.
What is Google Analytics: I don’t understand.
I Hijack the Beauty Tag: I’m sorry okay but the ‘Feminist Humour’ tag is currently a table for one and this originality is hindered further by ‘humor’ the American spelling so my blog would literally be impossible to find if it wasn’t for the well-established #bbloggers of the world. Don’t raise your contoured eyebrows at me. I’m sure one day the FemHum tag will be buzzin but til then…
I’m Always at Work When Posts Go Live: So now that I work Monday nights I had to decide rather change my blog day or write on Sunday and schedule for the next day. I picked the latter- although I feel like a massive fraud every time the post posts and the tweet tweets because I’m not doing it ‘live’- it’s also a lovely surprise after a busy shift of telling unnecessarily middle class people which aisle I think the tapioca starch is in. It’s even better when I have no notifs and start crying inside thinking everyone hates me and then realise my 4G was just off. Got to love O2.
What is Bloglovin’: I understood for a little bit but now I don’t understand again.
Google Images aka My Saviour: I don’t know how many times I intend to mention it today but my blog is a rather obscure category and therefore sometimes pictures can be impossible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s easy to photograph your new Naked Palette in a flattering light, however it’s considerably easier than me trying to take pictures for a post about Tampon Tax or Free the Nipple. When I don’t have time to draw or contact photographers, Google images is a life saver.
So Teamales, spill your confessions: do you open products before you review them? Are you guilty of roaming the F4F tag? Have you ever stolen someone else’s blog post (dun dun dun)? Comment below and we can bond over our blogging failures.