So last week’s post was Things I Hate That You Love and, as promised, here is the vice versa version (which was way harder to write, which probably says a lot about my miserable personality oops).
Twitter/Blogging Dramaz: This should probably be taken with a pinch of upside down smiley face but I can’t help love a bit of drama. It’s like The Only Way Is WordPress except instead of arguing over the differences between Mark and Arg (I refuse to believe there are any; to me they are identical) we’re fighting about who stole whose flatlay and whose student loan tweet has been misinterpreted for the 439th time. I could design a Pin The Subtweet On The Blogger party game to play at the next meet-up.
Nipple Dents: I swear the planet is full of people who think being able to see the outline of your boobs through your clothing is gross but when did that stop being the cutest thing ever? No bra ftw #TeamNipDip
Cheap Makeup Sponges: I had a beauty blender. I used said beauty blender. I got paranoid there was mould growing in my beauty blender. I cut my beauty blender in half to reveal no mould however it was now hacked to death so I had to bin it anyway. No this isn’t Jackanory Junior this are merely the cheap thrills of my life. I’ve since returned to the paranoia-free, disposable three for £1.30 Boots sponges. Which are what love feel like.
Sex Scenes in Films: Every British person has a box in the back of their brain entitled ‘conversation-starters-during-televised-consummation’ so every time anything vaguely sexual happens, we can whip a diversion out. Usually along the lines of ‘Didn’t your father make a nice falafel for tea?’ or ‘Anyone else fancy another Hobnob?’ Worst case scenario, your dad will cover your eyes in a true fatherly I-don’t-think-you-should-be-watching-this manner, meanwhile you’re thinking how the porno you watched last night was 392 times better than this Black Swan shite. But ultimately, I really don’t mind sex scenes in films. Everyone seems to react as if PG Tips has gone bankrupt, but I just find them funny.
Squeezing Spots: So. Satisfying.
Working in a Supermarket: ‘Excuse me,’ says every customer ever. ‘I’m actually browsing this general area, and by sorting that shelf, you’re obstructing my browse. Move.’ It seems that shoppers hate people who work in supermarkets, which is odd because I’m the one reducing and restocking all the expensive Heston Blumenthal ready meals that you’re trying to stuff into your trolley. I’m sorry that I’m stood between you and the edamame beans but you could just, like, politely ask me to cha cha slide to the left a little.
Periods: I was talking to a group of girls the other day about how much I loved periods and they looked at me like I’d suggested we recreate the Human Centipede. Yeah, I get that they hurt quite a bit and force you to throw out your nice, floral, 4 for £5 M&S pants but there are also mega advantages. Like my boobs go from a 3.5 to a solid 5/10 (6 if it’s a decent bra) when I’m menstruating and it gives me an excuse to carry a miniature pharmacy around with me wherever I go. Plus I get to update my Clue period tracker, which sends me an email about the science behind my previous cycle. 100% worth the strawberry-jam-disastered pants.
Golf: ‘It’s not a sport’ oh bitch pls. I joke, I kind of agree- although tbh I have a man carry my clubs around for me so it’s even less of a workout. What upsets me about golf is that you never see anyone under the age of 48 with a vagina playing it, so then when I go out for a few cheeky rounds, I get a gaggle of Grandads patronising my ability before even watching me take a shot. Probs just jealous that I’ve got one more hole than them. Aye.
The Train Simulator On My Grandad’s Computer: The best trait passed down through my genetics is my Grandad and I’s shared love of the Trainz game. We’d sit in his office for hours driving the yellow train courtesy of 2001 graphics round some mountains while a random Australian conductor (who clearly thought he was mission control) warned us of approaching trains. Sounds fab right? But whenever I try and talk about it with my friends they moonwalk away from me. It’s clearly not a top chat up line.
LOL: I started off saying it ironically and now it’s kind of stuck lol.
So Teamales, tell me if any of these things are relatable then comment and twin with me! N if you missed the ‘Things I Hate That You Love’ post you can find it here.