Like most young adults, I was hooked on Love Island, but while I was watching I couldn’t help thinking about its anti-feminist undertones and so I’ve finally compiled them all and I’m ready to ruin the world’s favourite show. Sorry in advance.
Diversity Fails: When will the media learn that a token black person doesn’t instantly make a show diverse anymore. It’s 2017 and still blindingly obvious that the producers have gone ‘ooh looks a bit like a box of Jacob’s crackers at the moment- let’s add Marcel to prevent bad reviews.’ Usually critics of diversity say ‘well maybe the white heterosexual cis person was just the most qualified for the job’ but that doesn’t work here because you literally just need swimwear and a summer without plans to qualify for the show, which I’m sure many people of colour, members of the LGBT+ community and those with different nationalities all had too.
The Frigid/Slag Divide: Jonny broke up with Camilla because after four weeks because she hadn’t done more than kiss him. Seriously? Four weeks really isn’t that long and it sends such a strange message to girls watching the show who could start feeling pressure to washing machine after the first date in case their partner dumps them. Also, why are we placing the ‘frigid’ label on Cam when actually it could be Jonny’s fault- maybe all his dick went into his personality so there wasn’t much left down there for her to play with? The possibilities are endless. Then on the other end of the spectrum you’ve got an internet calling Amber a slag because she had sex a few times (and one of them involved the instant aphrodisiac of a captain’s hat so we can’t even blame her for that one). Ladies! We can all do this whole love thing at our own speeds. There is no morally right way- let’s drop the labels k.
Everyone Was Beautiful: As perfectly demonstrated by Gabby who had a mini breakdown exclaiming ‘I’m the ugliest one in here’ despite being a vindaloo in a world of chicken kormas (aka spicy). And the saddest bit about her tears were that every girl has felt like that in her life; we’ve all been to a club or seen a photo and thought shit I am The Ugly Friend, but Love Island does nothing to tame our insecurities. I know it’s ‘just’ TV but choosing the 50 best looking young adults the country has to offer to lounge around with their six packs on show all day, is more than slightly deflating. Where were the aptly named love handles? Where were the size 8s without DDs? Where were the dad bods? Instead is was like British VS shoot every day.
Hummus: My vagina isn’t a hummus pot boys. And you are not going to be putting your carrot anywhere near it if you think reducing it to a food metaphor is going to work. Also while we’re here let’s take the phrase ‘stick it on her’ and throw it into the nearest waste disposal because it’s dodgy af. I know Chris and Kem are our favourites but sometimes, just sometimes, they needed a little slap. (Not sexually.) (Okay this is weird now, moving on.)
Blady Spa Days: Someone, in a vaguely irritating Essex accent, would wail ‘I’ve got a text’ and surprise surprise the ladies are going shopping! Or they’ve got a spa day! Or they’re finding dresses for a prom! Which is great if that’s what you’re into but I hate the assumption that pleasing a woman is as simple as that. Do you know how shit you feel after 8 hours stood up having tried on the whole of Urban Outfitters and then had to put everything back because you’ve checked your bank balance and can’t even afford a bralette? Shopping feet are not relaxing. Get me back to the villa ASAP.
The Male/Female Divide: Okay maybe we can all agree that Olivia was in her own league of turbulence (hair goals though don’t even fight me on this one, I know a well-tamed frizz when I see one) but the girls as a rule of thumb always seemed to be presented as the demanding, whining ones, instead of the cameras noting how lazy or uncooperative their partners were. Newsflash: if someone asks you to do something and you don’t do it then They Will Get Annoyed. That doesn’t make them a bitch.
Speaking of bitches Montana Owes Alex Nothing: Now our babes are out the villa everyone is losing their shit because Mon is off to LA to represent Pretty Little Thing for a jumbo digit contract meanwhile forgetting about her super hot Georgie boyf and like, yeah I kind of get why people are annoyed. They spent weeks waiting to see Mon happy and then voting for the couple to win but now surely her career has to come first. And Alex is hot and everything but once you get over the abs he seems like a bit of a wet wipe. So let’s stop shaming Queen of the Villa for riding the tide of fame when actually we should be supporting the world’s girl bosses.
So Teamales, how are you coping now Love Island is over? And what did you think about this post- did you notice any of these things as you watched or were you too in love with the show to care? Comment below your thoughts.