Foundation Finding Struggle

I’m the first person to admit, my foundation is always wrong. Whether it’s the wrong shade, brand or coverage for my skin, it’s consistently slightly off in some way (even though everyone’s too polite to tell me, it’s kewl guys, I know). But as I’ve been talking to more people, I realise, we’re all kind of in the same boat- it seems no one really knows what colour sludge to rub across their face- and so I thought I’d compile a list of all the relatable struggles in the search for the perfect foundation.

The Impossible Shade Finding Experience: I go into Boots looking like your average Urban Outfitters It Girl yet I come out as a Dulux Colour Chart with every shade from porcelain to espresso swatched on my arm- even though 90% of the colours don’t even come close to my skin tone, once I’m 5 samples in I usually just think fuck it and collage my elbows with Chris Ofili-esque dotting and pretend I belong in the Tate Modern too. Until Boots run out of tissues. And so I have to walk my exhibit around with me for the rest of the day and risk being chased out of Topshop by the security guard for contaminating the fishnet tights with Rimmel.

But the problem is if you’re one of life’s risk-takers who doesn’t swatch, favouring a ‘grab the bottle which looks right’ approach, then you can face some dire consequences… Continue reading

Bra Shopping Struggles

Bras are pretty weird. I don’t know who decided that women were going to add ‘sitting their chest fat in cotton breast-hammocks’ to their dressing routine but it’s now become a well-established part of our lives. However that doesn’t make transitioning into the world of bras any easier.

Nowadays I’m more of a bralette-on-a-weekday-free-the-nipple-on-a-Friday kinda gal, and perhaps this is due to the awkwardness of shopping for actual bras as a tween. Although now I’m pretty comfortable buying anything from granny pants to lingerie (however I do draw the line at those Lovehoney pants that have a hole in the bum) it hasn’t always been this way, so after the success of my A cup post, I thought I’d treat you to another highly traumatic relataboob struggle: bra shopping.

The Size System: The problem with growing boobs (not that I’d know) is that it all happens at a rate that takes you from aged 10-11 vests to the world of ‘letter and number-beginning-with-30’ combination before you’ve had time to raid Waterstones and find the Puberty for Dummy’s guide.  Is DD smaller than a D? Is 36 how old you have to be to wear the bra? Can I just hibernate in my vests a little longer until I work this completely random system out? Continue reading

A Girl’s Guide to Festival BS

As fab as it’s been, festival season is almost finished- now we’re all counting down for the Christmas markets amiright my fellow German-gingerbread-shaped-heart lovers?- so I thought I’d share what I’ve learnt these past few months for anyone making their festival debut next year. (Art by the super talented Jesse Howarth who bossed her AS exams yass)image

Fashun: Think Millie Mackintosh at Glastonbury. And then use that as a template for what you shouldn’t wear. Yes designed floral minidresses and faux fur wraps are cute but you won’t be helicoptered back to your VIP Winnebago at the end of every night so you have to approach this practically. Don’t wear anything that ends with ‘suit’ inc bodysuit, playsuit, swimsuit (unless you want your trophy cabinet to be fondled by strangers), jumpsuit, because you’ll have to spend 268 seconds longer in the portaloo and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Except Kanye.

Continue reading

A Girl’s Guide to Summer BS

Summer has officially hit Britain- and so has all the BS that comes with it. Luckily, we can navigate this together, and with the help of my incredible new illustrator, name twin and Twitter bestie, Jesse Howarth who’s going to be saving you from witnessing my awful blog photos as much as she can. You can follow her on Twitter here or Instagram here and be sure to give her lots o’ luv in the comments because she is Queen Babe.

The Bikini Buying BS: Despite what the Black Eyed Peas soundtracked shopping montage in every rom com tells us, bikini buying is impossible. Not only do shops seem to stop stocking them by August aka when I need one, but they’ve starting doing this ‘set’ business. My body is not a set, it’s a custom made ASOS marketplace order, so please don’t tell me that the size 8 bottoms will fit my size 12 arse simply because I need a size 8 top. Even the top sizing system alone makes no sense- like, what’s a size 10 cup? I don’t waltz into an M&S bra fitting expecting to be measured as an ‘8’ so why do this with bikini tops? In fact, why not just make bras waterproof and save the agro.

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Art by Jesse Howarth

The Shaving BS: If summer doesn’t already leave you panicked at the prospect of removing all bodily hair, Veet have gone and added to the pressure with their BS new advert*. Continue reading

Are #NOMAKEUP Selfies the Problem?

I’m in my sixth hour of waiting for a Hermes delivery, and therefore I have lots of time to do something I’m rather good at- thinking. Because I’ve decided I find #NoMakeup selfies really annoying.

Or should I say, I find the execution of #NoMakeup selfies really annoying; the idea behind them is actually pretty valuable. In a world where women are expected to paint their faces in Deep Throat (thanks NARS) and Label Whore (apparently Too Faced are at it as well), it’s a refreshing change to see some fresh faced babes gracing the internet, I just don’t think they’re fresh faced enough. Especially the celeb versions.

If makeup less selfies are supposed to remind us that everyone looks a bit dodgy Continue reading

7 Deadly Sins

I was nominated by my go to girl (or should that be ex-go to girl since she bought the ABH Renaissance Palette and has emotionally deserted me wandering round Boots trying to work out what aisle the crease is in) Izzy from Daisy Chains in the Rain to do the seven deadly sins of makeup tag. Which is quite optimistic considering my brushes remaining unwashed for at least 3 months probably takes up 27 sins in itself. You can watch Izzy’s vid here (and cry bc her makeup is so perf- obvs don’t tell her I said that) and my nominations are:

Amanda Bae

Beth Bae

Jess Bae

Alex Bae (who is now self hosted!? Congrats b)

You can do this written on your blog, on YouTube or like idk as an interpretive dance if you really want I won’t judge.

Greed: What is your most in/expensive makeup item? 

I’m a bit of a bargain hunter so I find it genuinely difficult to spend lots of money on makeup because I have so much fun looking for cheaper prices (£19 for a brand new Naked Palette is this the real life is this just fantasy) however before the kitten was killed with curiosity and I was buying makeup at the same price as everyone else I got the £39 BareMinerals complexion kit. Obviously in the wrong colour (because I was about 14 and you’re not allowed to get the shade right at that age. Although tbh rather I suffer from severe skin colour dysmorphia or I’m just getting paler, I used to be a solid 4.0 in UD Naked Skin foundation and now I’m struggling to fit a 3.0. What happened beautiful tanned skin where are you now that I need you?) Cheapest item would probably be my £2 Kiko lipsticks.
Wrath: Which product do you have a love/hate relationship with? Continue reading