Why We’re All Fake AF Bloggers

Last week I tweeted this. I then received a text from my friend, Maria- who’s also a blogger and food instagrammer– saying ‘you really perfected the blogging voice there. You sound nothing like real life. You never use the word ‘ladies’ and the fire emoji makes you cringe.’I realised I had adopted The Blogger Voice.

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed it, or if this is an appropriate way to define it but TBV seems to be when, in order to appeal to your audience, you use a different, less controversial, emoji-fied voice, that is ultimately fake af. It’s the voice that means YouTubers start their video with the strained, high-pitched hiiiii guysssss, or that forces beauty bloggers to looooove a lipstick when conversationally they’d be like ‘oh yeah Velvet Teddy, I’ve tried it, it’s pretty good’. Even when I skimmed Maria’s social media, it was flooded in a tone that sounded nothing like her irl (although hello to that sexy veggie jar). m faf.png

TBV’s influence extends further than voice- how flatlay accounts on instagram are now The Done Thing, or your blog name should be something like ‘your first name followed by your middle name.com’ or ‘random white girl noun and another white girl noun.co.uk.’ In my own tweet, Real Life Jess would say Continue reading

A Feminist Watches: Miss Congeniality

I literally didn’t watch films (unless they were Disney) until I was 16, so over the past couple of years I’ve had a lot of chick flick catching up to do, one of these being Miss Congeniality- which, to freak you out a bit, was released in America when I was 20 months old. So. Weird. I’m literally a fetus I swear. It’s about a FBI agent, played by Sandra Bullock,  who has to go undercover in a beauty pageant in order to intersect some kind of terrorist thing, and ngl it’s actually better than I just made it sound, but it still gave me a full house in misogynist bingo. P.S. This contains spoilers.

There are two types of women: You’re rather smart and ugly or pretty and stupid. I know that by the end of the film Bullock is supposed to have demonstrated how you can actually be smart and pretty, but it’s a pretty (see what I’m doing here) weak attempt. The pageant girls lack any depth, which is just so unrealistic like out of 30 girls not all of them are going to be drips. I reckon maybe 10% maximum using the laws of probability. Being pretty/in a pageant/valuing your appearance doesn’t mean you lack all other elements of character, so basically the film created a problem that didn’t need to exist, and therefore Sandy B wouldn’t need to become some kind of Super Hot Wonder Woman-Einstein at the end if they’d just increased the pageant girls’ capacities in the first place.

We Laugh Because SanBul Can’t Do ‘Womanly Things’: Hahaha she doesn’t know the difference between a BeautyBlender and a Real Techniques Miracle Complexion Sponge, what an idiot! We’ve become so accustomed to always seeing women wearing full makeup and completely put together outfits from a vintage capsule wardrobe that it’s actually comic when women can’t live up to these standards. Someone make it stop, please. (Otherwise I’ll cry again like I do on my annual eyeliner attempt when I realise that though another year has passed my skills have not developed at all.) Continue reading

Controversial Thoughts on Sarah Ashcroft

Unless you live under a rock (which tbh would be goals at the moment) then you will have seen your Twitter feed explode with anger at this blogger that no one’s really heard of called Sarah Ashcroft and her interview with Cosmo>. The thing is, I’ve read the piece and, while it comes across as self-indulgent, I don’t disagree with everything she says…

I wanted to offer new and fresh content every post, but it came with a lot of pressure

Firstly, I thought this was a really honest thing to admit. I’m not a fashion blogger but I’ve seen posts from many who say they feel forced to spend all their money on Topshop trends to stay current. I live 75% of my life in pyjamas so my fashion blog would be duller than watching Formula 1. And trust me, that’s dull. So I get where she’s coming from.

I actually turned down ‘real’ jobs because it started to become a standalone thing

Maybe this seems bitchy because she’s using the ironic quote marks, but it’s also largely reflective of modern attitudes. Most people don’t blog with the expectation that it will become their main source of income- it’s often still not viewed as a ‘real’ job and I think this statement merely reflects her similar surprise. Continue reading

In Defence Of Buying Followers

I’ve never bought followers. But I’ve thought about it, and realistically I’m sure I’m not the only blogger who has.
But recently I’m seeing this hugely venomous reaction to people who have bought followers on social media-  it seems Twitter’s top 3 most hated topics are currently Fascism, Theresa May’s kitten heels and follower buying, and I find this really unfair.

 

Don’t get me wrong, is it annoying when you work for years to build up your blogging audience and then some tween with a few posts reviewing shitty Primark makeup gets 10k views overnight because she’s bought her WordPress followers? Yah. But is there anything inherently wrong with that? Well, not really.

 

 Often people are criticised for buying followers due to the belief that they haven’t put in effort so it’s ‘cheating’ but this is a massive assumption. While there are probably lots of people who do buy followers because they have zero patience and dodgy content that no one wants to read, there will also be lots of people who work so hard on their blogs and they just want a numerical reward which reflects how much effort they’re putting in. I mean, are you really going so spend actual, physical, real money on some website that you don’t give a shite about? There has to be some foundation of effort and love there in order for you to care enough to spend your dollar in the first place. For me, I feel like I would be completely justified in buying followers due to the amount of time and research I put into my content, photos and promotion- I just personally choose not to because I prefer to grow my following myself. But who am I to judge someone who has a different preference? 

Continue reading

The Problem With Blogging Chats

I love Twitter chats. If you have a spare hour they are one of the best ways to grow a large following at once and engage with loads of like-minded bloggers. After a few polls and lots of encouragement on social media, I’m thinking about launching a feminist chat in March, which got me thinking about all the features of chats which get on my nerves a little so that I can rather try to eliminate them or prepare myself to laugh them off from my own. So as much as I love chats, here are some things I could do without:

The Timings: Every evening that I’m not working I suddenly think about joining in a chat only to remember that most chats start on the hour and it’s now 23 minutes past so unless I want to be, like, third wheeling on your conversation I have to wait for 37 minutes to pass. But then by the time this comes I’ve started doing something productive like washing my hair or tidying my sock drawer so participating is strictly off-limits.

People Sharing Their Links Too Soon: If you’re leaving the chat early then fair enough share away but if you share your link and THEN CONTINUE CHATTING what are you trying to achieve? Well more blog views obvs. But metaphorically speaking. I’m all for shameless self-promo but I also want to my feed to be full of interesting discussion, not a stream of Times Square adverts. Continue reading

Should We Apologise For Blogging Breaks?

When most bloggers return after a little time out they seem to be full of sorrys *cue the best song on Lemonade (apart from All Night)* and so I want to clear up why I haven’t been like that. Ultimately, I don’t think there’s anything to apologise for and neither should you. After all, we Brits say sorry enough.

Breaks are good. Breaks are wonderful. If they weren’t then Kit Kat wouldn’t have made a whole advertising campaign out of them. So when I see someone take a break from the internet I think neither ‘how dare they stop writing!’ nor ‘they’ve missed a post and so I will never read their content ever again!’ I just presume they have a reason and so I find some new blogs to read in the meantime. Being under too much stress to blog or wanting to spend your free time with family instead or just being a bit bored of typing words onto a screen and having to take photos to match the words and find a filter to match the photo and then promote the whole thing before you miss the day that you promised to post on, are not feelings you should apologise for. It’s your hobby. If you want to give it a miss for a while then go ahead.

Especially because your readers care but like, realistically, not that much. It’s not like you’re Stevie Wonder who left it 10 years between albums. In fact you’re not even Zoella (probably. If you are Zoella then why are you reading my blog babe get back to doing something useful like filming a Primark haul) whose full time job is to make new content, so yes you’re apologising for being away from the people that have you read you from the past few months but… everyone reads multiple blogs. You don’t write the only blog in the world (although it would be great if I did because then I could monopolise the industry and make all the dollar). There’s nothing to be sorry for.  Continue reading