I don’t really have an opinion on Valentine’s Day- most likely because my uranium heart is only capable of loving myself and The Great British Bake Off- but when it comes to gifting I’m like the present police. I’ve noticed that on V-Day people are exchanging gifts that you’d need a PhD in Cringe to understand, so I thought I’d compile a list of pressies that I don’t get (both physically and metaphorically):
P.S. If you received any of the things on this list then I still love you (unlike, perhaps, your partner) (that was a joke) I just had to write something Valentine related and this is the first thing that came to mind xo
Giant Teddy Bears: Don’t get me wrong my Build a Bear was pretty much my only friend up until 2011- if only they had some kind of human Build a Bae version eh- but she wasn’t the size of a baby elephant. I look at men lugging huge, stuffed animals through town and can’t help but think about the custom made IKEA storage solution they’ll need just to home it. Then once it’s in your house, other than recreating your first date to Chester Zoo, what’s its actual purpose? Surely, your other half will just end up cuddling it more than you, in order to get value for money. The impracticality is beyond me.
CDs: They’re just a bit vintage now, yknow. Make them a Spotify playlist available offline or something instead. Continue reading