The Dumbest Shit I’ve Read on Twitter

I’ve been on Twitter a long time. And in that time I’ve seen a lot of ‘DS’ (dumb shit- not to be confused with the Nintendo DS because I genuinely couldn’t bring myself to say a bad word about Animal Crossing). I thought, in homage to me being away from blogging for so long, I would reminisce over the worst bits that I’ve seen in the meantime on social media, in hope that these would set the bar really low for my future posts.

‘Men cannot do domestic tasks because they are too busy building civilisation’ This was said by a meninist who believed men didn’t have time to participate in childcare, housework, cooking, etc. What he hasn’t realised is that, yeah men might’ve built the modern world, but women invented beer, monopoly and the folding cabinet bed, therefore we’ve built the perfect Friday night.

‘Women can’t be SAS trained. They’ll distract men. It’s biological’ Did you see SAS: Who Dares Wins? Did you watch a woman and a man come joint first without sleeping together? And when they were being interrogated in, like, Morocco, did you see her dramatically undo her ponytail, unveiling luscious Herbal Essence-d locks and apply Mac Velvet Teddy, causing all the spies to stop their highly classified, significant jobs and have a wank over her beauty instead? No. Because not every guy was straight. Not every woman is beautiful. And most importantly, these people are so skilled at doing their jobs so if a human with two lumps of fat on their upper torso and no dick can distract them that easily then I really don’t think they’re qualified to protect the country. Continue reading

How To Femalify Your Spotify

Yes, I have made up yet another word. Because the other day I overheard a conversation in which a guy turned to his friend and said ‘I’ve never had a proper conversation about music with a woman before- they just don’t get it.’ As someone who has Spotify playing in the background for at least two thirds of her life, I was understandably pissed off.

But this seems to be a common view. Everyone I’ve asked since seems to think that because your average woman doesn’t give a shit about Bob Geldof (haha omg wrong one I meant Bob Dylan- shows how much of a shit I don’t give) and knows all the words to 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton, their taste in music is less important than a man’s.

There’s always been notable snobbery surrounding music but it often affects women most- after all how many female rock bands can you name? Female rappers? Female instrumentalists? Women dominate pop and, as pop isn’t considered ‘cultured’, when women finally hear themselves represented and are all ‘omg I relate to this, it’s a woman singing about what it means to be a woman!’ (aka every time I hear Little Mix) they’re instantly labelled as knowing nothing about real music.

We all know the standard babes: Beyoncé, Sia, my childhood idol Katy Perry (we had matching jackets in 2012 it was magic) but the music industry doesn’t end there for women and so I’ve compiled a list of women who are both ruling my ears rn and super cultured. Fight me music snobs. Continue reading

Should We Support Ivanka Trump?

Headlines from the past few days make it apparent that Trump’s eldest daughter has been suffering from her father’s election:

‘Sales of Ivanka Trump apparel slumped at Nordstrom’

‘Upset with Trump the President, consumers boycott Trump the brand’

‘More companies drop Ivanka Trump products’

Here we see a female entrepreneur- a breed which is unfortunately still rare in the modern world- having her business boycotted due to the actions of the men in her life. On paper it’s a feminist’s nightmare, but in practice I think it’s pretty justified.

Don’t get me wrong, as a rule of thumb judging women for the actions of the men orbiting them is a no-go, but in this case, to blame men for the entirety of her demise just isn’t accurate. It’s not about boycotting Ivanka because of Donald’s actions (first name terms amiright), it’s about boycotting Ivanka because of her own. Or should I say lack of. Because yes, he is her father, and yes it would be blady awkward at their next family Thanksgiving if she publicly condemns his behaviour, but it’s still her choice not to do so. To deny that she has a choice is, as Sartre aka King Of My Heart describes it, ‘bad faith’. Continue reading

Go Burn Your Bridge

A post titled so perfectly that in a single pun it can summarise how I’m about to simultaneously talk about feminism and never get a job at any newspaper. Ever. In fact tbh I might as well forget a career in journalism because I seem to have slagged off everything that’s ever been printed- apart from Elizabeth Wurtzel- and soon I’ll have no other option but to apply for work at Poundland where I can give all my friends a staff discount on the Fruitella and then confuse everyone when I say “that’s 50p please” because darling decimals don’t belong in Poundland. I mean, that’s just like, the rules of feminism. gretch

This past month I’ve been trying to write a 2,000 word essay about the F-word for Newnham College which sounded really easy until I realised Newnham is in Cambridge, as in the Cambridge. Cambridge Cambridge. Upon this realisation I had to cross out all the inappropriate vagina jokes and Fetty Wap references, so now all I’m left with are a few ideas being pushed around my plate like broccoli stems (because realistically no one eats the stems) (except the vegans), however it’s not all bad. In the absence of words, I’ve done lots of research, read plenty of articles and painfully scrolled through thousands of comments, until I realised: newspapers hate feminists. I wrote a post similar to this before about the general public but I didn’t realise the people bringing up factual news would fall the same way. Continue reading

Cosmopolitman

I feel we’ve been chilling rather nicely in the freezer at Half Girl Half Teacup (or HGHT for those that can speak fluent acronym- I lost my membership to that club after a small LOL incident back in 2012, “So sorry to hear Mike’s died, lol xx” apparently it doesn’t mean lots of love. Moving Taylor Swiftly on.) my recent posts have been rather gentle compared to my previously topical discussions and so I thought I was time to get feministing again. And I don’t mean to brag but I’m, like, really good at being a feminist.

So here we have it, my favourite magazine: Cosmopolitan. I’ve bought a copy from what feels like every newsagents in Brighton- last year I even got a German print with the hope of translating it (which is incredibly difficult as ‘clitoris’ isn’t in the Collins Easy Learning dictionary)- but then I noticed something.

Take this Cosmo cover for example:cosmo 6

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Emoji Invasion

After  the purchase of every iProduct- before going to put the kettle on or have a panic wee- users immediately install the emoji keyboard. It’s like the unwritten iLaw (can I copyright that?) that you must have and regularly use these so called symbols in everyday life and while I usually agree, after a laborious analysis of my set I can’t help wondering for some of them: “Apple, wtf were you thinking?”

Have you every properly stopped and stared at the random little creatures right next door to the yellow crying emoji face that you always use despite not being able to tell if it’s happy or sad? Have you ever debated with your emoji using friends whether THOSE HANDS (we all know the ones) are hi-5ing or praying? If not, then good. Because I’m about to analyse them for you.

Emoji invasion 1: Running Man Photo 01-06-2015 16 42 02

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