Period Perks

I feel like everyone hates periods. And this makes me really sad because, although they’re messy, painful, inconvenient, expensive, and considered taboo pretty much everywhere, I’m a big fan. Often it seems people overlook the joys of menstruating, so here’s a cheeky reminder of the period perks.

Period Boobs: Are the bomb. For 25 days of the month I’m looking in the mirror wondering how there are falafels bigger than my boobs and then bam my period hits and I have five days of feeling like Emily Ratajkowski in the Blurred Lines music video. Obviously the transformation isn’t that huge, but to me it feels like the Kylie Jenner boob job drama all over again. Who needs surgery when you can just menstruate instead?

Having An Excuse Not To Do Anything: Fuck all those articles that are like studies show that women who exercise for 62 hours a day whilst menstruating reduce their PMS symptoms by 3% (we all know that sociologists are probably just meninists in disguise anyway) because periods are the perfect excuse to sit on the sofa eating Ben and Jerry’s and catching up on the box set that you’ve managed to become two seasons behind on- cough cough Game of Thrones. Plus it means that every time you’re asked to contribute to housework or homework you can just clutch your stomach and maybe dramatically let a menstrual cup fall out your pocket and soon people will get the hint that you’re out of action for the next few days. Or weeks, depending on how long you milk it.  Continue reading

Things I Love That You Hate

So last week’s post was Things I Hate That You Love and, as promised, here is the vice versa version (which was way harder to write, which probably says a lot about my miserable personality oops).

Twitter/Blogging Dramaz: This should probably be taken with a pinch of upside down smiley face but I can’t help love a bit of drama. It’s like The Only Way Is WordPress except instead of arguing over the differences between Mark and Arg (I refuse to believe there are any; to me they are identical) we’re fighting about who stole whose flatlay and whose student loan tweet has been misinterpreted for the 439th time. I could design a Pin The Subtweet On The Blogger party game to play at the next meet-up.

Nipple Dents: I swear the planet is full of people who think being able to see the outline of your boobs through your clothing is gross but when did that stop being the cutest thing ever? No bra ftw #TeamNipDip Continue reading

7 Things Only Tampon Fans Understand

I received the best email from the babes at Clue (for all of you living under a giant sanitary towel, unless you’re a man in which case your confusion is acceptable, Clue is an app that tracks your period) this week, saying I’d been accepted as one of their ambassadors who do great things like destigmatise menstruation and spread period positivity. Plus they sent me a badge of their logo which I can stick on my sidebar and look like one of those sponsored bloggers who has their shite together. Spoiler alert: if you saw the state of my fringe right now you’d know that this isn’t the case. However, it did get me thinking about my favourite parts of menstruating and thus (#BringBackThus) this post was born.

Tamproblems: 7 Things Only Tampon Fans Understand

1 Tampax are so blady expensive (excuse the pun, I feel this might be a popular one today) but I just lack emotional attachment to other brands. Lil-lets remind me too much of M&S flip flop pattern ‘bras’ from the Angel range and Clarks Daisy Velcro shoes, meanwhile Boots own brand is simply too cheap to consider being ethical. Like babes, what have you put in them to make them cost less than penny sweets? What are you trying to do to my vagina? Team Tampax every time.  Continue reading

We’re Talking Periods. Period.

After 50 days of anticipation, I’m finally on my period.

In the words of Lily Allen:

Periods, we all get periods (not factually correct but we’ll sausage roll with it) every month (or 50 days in my case) (I essentially gave up menstruating for Lent) that’s what the theory is

so why then after all these years do we still feel awkward talking about them? From making our parents buy the hygeine gear on our behalf, to disguising our dysmenorrhoea as ‘tummy ache’, as a population we’ve got to admit that we are period phobes. Therefore, I am going to make us talk about Strawberry Jam Disasters to make up for the lack of conversation in the world: the things they make us do, the ways they make us feel and imagehow we can prepare for them (so excited to discuss the app that will change your life).

Before we begin I feel like I should set the mood by explaining the term ‘Strawberry Jam Disaster‘ (sorry if you’re eating). Basically, it involved me, 2012, the white seats of my grandparents caravan- you can see where this is going, right?- and a cheeky leaky of blood. Which caused my grandma to call a family meeting because ‘someone’s spilt jam on the Laura Ashley cushion’. Cue lots of Google searches to find out how to remove JAM from fabric. Jess 1 Periods 0. They have been known as SJDs ever since (and Grandma still doesn’t know the truth). Continue reading